I am Domina Vesta De Vyne …
Welcome devotee…I want to see you dissolve—into wild desire, into transcendent pain, into mesmerized pliability and submission, into a new and fantastical embodiment—and run my fingers through you, feeling your pulsing heat, your rhythm, the quiet stillness at your center. I’m driven first and foremost by a hunger for deep, primal desire, a fire that burns so incandescently it consumes you, debases you, humbles you, reduces you to ash and then to fertile soil.
Hedonistic yet self-possessed in nature, I’ll take my sweet time teasing out the thread holding you together until you unravel entirely, spooling at my feet, ready to take new shape at my will. My manner is elegant and warm, yet demanding; witty and playful, yet strict when the situation calls for it. Though I possess preternatural grace and composure, don’t be fooled: I can be a real bitch when the mood strikes.
slaveboysmith: Today at DommeAddiction finds this very lucky slaveboy kneeling before the gorgeous Domina Vesta De Vyne. Welcome to DA, Domina. Let me begin by observing that for any who follow you, it is very evident you control men with ease. Has that always been the case? Do you recall when you first realized the power you hold over men?
Domina Vesta De Vyne: My path to understanding my own power and using it skillfully was actually far from linear and immediate. Submissive men have been drawn to me long before I even knew what BDSM was, or understood why, or what they were responding to in me. The male attention I’ve attracted since I was a teenager honestly scared me at first; I received it most often as aggressive and overwhelming, and I chafed at their assumptions about what their desire entitled them to, and about how I “should” act as a woman—pliant, accommodating, in service to male priorities (confusingly, this has absolutely showed up among many men who consider themselves “submissive”).
I knew that normative hetero dynamics were not working for me, for a variety of reasons. So I turned inward, to allow myself the space and solitude to understand myself and my desires, to know myself outside of others’ projections. What has resulted from this deep, sometimes-harrowing, but always illuminating process of self-reflection is a recognition and assurance of my own power, and the ability to wield it with intention. This work is also never done; I’m continually deepening my understanding of myself and the world, learning, and developing as a person. My power grows with time.
In terms of BDSM specifically, I first started exploring and developing my natural sexual dominance with partners in my personal life, and then spent a couple of years at a longstanding NYC dungeon honing my skills alongside a crew of other wonderful Dommes. I learned so much from that experience that I have now taken into my independent practice.
sbs: Are you naturally dominant in every aspect of your life, or is Femdom more a roleplay for you when interacting with submissives, Domina Vesta?
DV: Dominance, BDSM, and fetish inform all aspects of my life; there’s a way that these practices can infuse every moment, every small movement, with meaning and erotic charge that helps me be more present, more attentive in all areas of life. I do tend to assert natural dominance across the board, and I’m very particular in my standards and tastes. I know who I am, what I want, and how to get it. This doesn’t necessarily look like what most people imagine when they think “dominant woman,” however. It’s not about domineering and forcing my will on others; to me, that is a sign of weakness, insecurity, desperately grasping at control that one is anxious about losing at any moment.
It may sound contradictory at first, but I can most fully come into my power through recognizing how little control we actually have over the world around us, how we are all part of much larger cycles, processes, and worlds than we can even fathom in this lifetime. Learning to pay close attention, be still and observant enough to recognize what is, and work with the energies currently present are key to my dominance, and my way of experiencing the world in general. I think this is also why I so enjoy working with archetypes in BDSM and in my own spiritual practices; it’s a way to channel larger energies through the particularity of my own being. My power comes from being able to hold this paradox, two seemingly opposing things, at once: the absolute singularity of our existence, and our minute-ness relative to the broader universe.
sbs: Is there a specific type of submissive you find is drawn to you? And do you have an ideal in mind for the “perfect Domina Vesta slave”?
DV: First of all, I do not use the term “slave” in my practice; for me personally, that term is inextricably connected to the historical legacy of slavery in this country, and I do not wish to call that into my space. Also, I want you to submit to me because everything in your being wants to, because you are actively, consciously choosing to devote yourself to me. I don’t want to feel like I’m coercing or forcing you, I want to feel like I inspire an authentic call to service in you, that becoming mine follows from naturally.
So rather than slaves, I have devotees and disciples. I find that those who are drawn to me are sensitive, self-reflective, generous, and inquisitive. They know (and have thought about) what they like—and don’t like—but are also open to trying new things and expanding their horizons. I tend to attract imaginative individuals (like myself) who appreciate the power of narrative and are willing to get lost in a role, a scene, a fantasy.
I favor devotees who communicate clearly and respectfully, are able to take constructive criticism gracefully, and are truly dedicated to pleasing, supporting, and giving to me. And I favor those who are truly dedicated to service—to me, not to their own fantasies that they’ve wittingly or unwittingly placed onto me (a very common mistake, especially among men). Those who gain genuine satisfaction from contributing to my life and attending to my needs and desires, in both the short- and long-term.
sbs: Do you prefer to break and control men who might resist, or use well-trained ones that are already broken in?
DV: There’s a certain delectable thrill in the drama of igniting a man’s desire and using it to pull him in as he thrashes in protestation. Like a siren song, there’s a delicious satisfaction in seeing a man fall under my spell despite his resistance—at a distance.
That being said, I am a very self-reflective person who is dedicated to continually deepening my understanding of self and my relation to the world, and I tend to connect best with submissives who are interested in doing the same. I find the most generative resonance in connecting with submissives who have taken the time to discover, interrogate, and reflect on their own desires, and who endeavor to come to a place of peace and acceptance of themselves—erotically and otherwise.
Men who hate their own desires often take it out the women who inspire their lust; as constant reminders of desires they are ashamed of, we become avatars for their self-loathing, a dynamic which is emotionally taxing at best and dangerous at worst. I have very little patience for hosting the projections of insecure individuals. I believe that being submissive—expressed in a way that is generous, respectful, and truly in service to one’s dominant—is a strong and beautiful thing to be, and I work best with those who share this belief, or are at least trying to get there.
sbs: Do you have specific fetishes you enjoy exploring with your submissives, and does that differ between real time sessions and online training?
DV: I think the overarching thread running through my kink interests is a love of desperation: clarifying what it is that you truly want, intensifying this energy until you can barely stand it anymore, and then playing with that pure, incandescent, unadulterated wanting. It’s why I so love tease and denial: bringing you to your knees, stripping you down using your own desires until you have no choice but to fully surrender, is what drives me sexually. Within that, I’m a very kinky and naturally curious person, and there are many fetishes and interests I love exploring; a few favorites include impact play, piss play, penetration, humiliation, trampling and foot worship, and CBT. I also love role play, provided it’s a role that resonates with me, and that we are co-creating the scene under my control and guidance (I don’t do scripts).
I’m also a very sensual person, and that is reflected in my style; I love good food, good sex, luscious visuals, scents, sounds, and textures. Thus, I tend to take a sensual approach to domination; I attract submissives with a similar appreciation for life’s sensory pleasures, and/or subs who gain pleasure from witnessing me enjoy to the fullest, who find it gratifying and fulfilling to facilitate my experience of pleasure. Whether it’s the crack of a whip against your skin, an unctuous bite of uni at my favorite fancy sushi restaurant, or feeling the buttery leather of a beautiful pair of thigh-high boots encasing my legs, my pleasure comes first and foremost.
sbs: Can you describe the feeling you have when you have control of a submissive, desperately doing whatever it takes to please you? Is it a rush, or just an expected outcome you’ve grown used to?
DV: When I deeply connect with a submissive who I’ve brought entirely under my control, it almost feels like a waking trance, a flow state I find electrifying. It feels like being incredibly alive, and a conduit channeling a power much greater than myself. I’m very alert, but in an altered state, allowing myself to be subsumed in the magic of what we are co-creating. It’s entering another dimension and experience of time.
sbs: How can you tell when you’ve completely broken someone and they are unable to resist you? Is there a “tell” of some kind that lets you know you’ve taken total control and that this slave is now property of Domina Vesta?
DV: There’s a certain enthralled, entranced, adoring look in someone’s eyes when they fall deep for me; there’s a shift in their energy, like every particle of their being is completely consumed in their present experience, like every part of them is opening up and offering itself to me. I’ve always found it strange that most people seem to think of submission as entirely passive, because to me it’s a very active state—being present enough to fully immerse oneself in what is happening, moment to moment, which is actually a very difficult thing to do! I love facilitating and co-experiencing that state of being. That kind of peace and total absorption is very precious, particularly in an age in which we are constantly bombarded with external stimuli that take us away from ourselves.
In the longer term, I can tell I’ve taken deep control when someone is able to truly see and attend to my needs and desires, apart from their own. I say ‘apart’ and not ‘before’ because I firmly believe you need to take good care of yourself in order to be of service to anyone else. But I think particularly as a highly feminine woman with a natural sexual gravitas, people project a lot of their own wants, fears, and ideals onto me without even realizing. Someone having the humility and self-awareness to recognize their own desires, separate them from who I actually am and what I actually want, and being able to deliver on that shows me that one is truly dedicated to submitting to me.
sbs: For devotees looking to impress you, what is the best way for them to show you they are sincere in their desire to serve and spoil you Domina Vesta?
DV: Generous gifts, coupled with a thoughtful, succinct message demonstrating that you have read my work carefully, always gets my favorable attention. If you want to serve me, show me the kind of submission I value in every act and communication: be appreciative, respectful of me and my time, be clear, and show me that you are truly thinking of me first. This means following instructions exactly and giving to me without being asked. Demonstrate through your actions that you value my time and energy, and are dedicated to continually contributing to my pleasure.
sbs: Thank you so much for the privilege of this interview Domina Vesta. Is there anything else you would like to tell your admiring worshipers reading this interview?
DV: Work on developing your self-awareness and, from that place, de-center yourself to pay close attention to what is, in order to better serve me. Particularly for men, who are encouraged to possess a sense of entitlement to women and to see us purely as vehicles for their desires, submission to a dominant woman offers the golden opportunity to come back into balance, right relationship, and true reciprocity. Your oversized egos, self-absorption, and extractive mindsets are making you and everyone around you sick—and you can see its deleterious effects on a broader social scale every day. Unseat your defensiveness and entitlement to become a better version of yourself through thoughtful submission.
sbs: If you would oblige me one final question, Domina Vesta … if we were conducting this interview in person, how would it end?
DV: I would instruct you to bow your head, kiss my feet, and thank me for the privilege of hearing my thoughts.
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