Feature Interview – Contessa Zoe Aspasia

by Michael Smith
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I’m a hedonistic Canadian woman based in Toronto, Canada who enjoys being served and amused by submissive men while nurturing freak communities and getting out in nature. When I’m in town and available I offer my time professionally in a few ways for training and facilitating experiences as an active Dominant. I lean towards weirdness, variety, transformative and sensation play above all else. Denial of bad male behaviours and deconstruction of habits are also fun for me with legitimately receptive “puppets”; I’m not interested in convincing you if you aren’t ready. Getting to live scenes takes a decent bit of screening and tests of ability to follow directions. Negotiations happen in a safe, sane and nearly sterile manner, as swiftly as I am able, so we can get on to the play. I need that sane voice to negotiate boundaries and a deposit before all live meetings. My time is valuable and it doesn’t come for free.  You will address me as Contessa, Goddess or Queen.

slaveboysmith: For any who follow you, it is very evident you control men with ease.  Has that always been the case? Do you recall when you first realized the power you hold over men?

Contessa Zoe Aspasia: I certainly intrigue many types of seekers and absolutely some of them are men seeking to experience slavery and learn attentive servitude. Some folks excitedly seek me out to add interesting experiences to their lives having seen my creative expression and skill. I’ve found over the years that by practicing my skills and communication, by experience assigning tasks with clear directions (and navigating brats seeking loopholes) I have a wealth of experience to draw from which may be why some things seem easy. Certainly I’ve had some of these skills and have been intriguing to folks for many years: I’ve been a Pro Dominatrix since 2005 (and Session Wrestler from 2007-17). I do my best to constantly seek out new facets of kink and weirdness to experience, as well as mentorship and skill-sharing. This sort of gathering of skills, knowledge and experience is very exciting to a lot of folks seeking a kink facilitator to kick start or broaden their experiences and self knowledge, or simply an enthusiastic sadist to gently take their ass and find the right lube for them while creating/ participating in a scene that suggests the opposite.

sbs: Are you naturally dominant in every aspect of your life, or is Femdom more a roleplay for you when interacting with slaves?

CZA:  I’m a natural leader and always have been: many folks look to me to lead the way in organization, problem solving, navigating “peopling” and even life’s chaos. Recognizing the responsibilities of that role helped me seek out the skills and practice to be the best version of that leader whenever I’m called upon/ properly invoked. When navigating a scene or playtime as a Dominant I have the same goals: lead, organize, steer and nourish.  In this way I feel I’m wearing the “Femme Daddy” cape wherever I go.

While the seed of the power exchange is present from the start, there is a difference between my negotiation self and me in headspace (playfulness, giddiness, trash talking/ humiliation or encouragement). Having a rational conversation about expectations and fantasies is essential before traversing into play. The “role play” of a scene or fantasy will vary based on the person and what makes for an interesting blend. Variety in play is important to me, so I appear in many forms and sometimes as specific characters (or create assorted temporary characters/ creatures of my subs).  Being worshiped as a Dark Queen Dominatrix or gonzo Goddess of bizarre experiences and exchanging time and teaching for tribute seems natural and valuable.

sbs: Is there a specific type of slave you find is drawn to you? Can all submissive men be persuaded to slip across that line into financial domination?

CZA: Various types of submissives, slaves and seekers will visit or chat with me about different pockets of my expertise/experiences I can offer basked on my skills, knowledge or experience.  Some submit for a safe place to play with a non judgemental freak Queen who keeps her First Aid up to date: a responsible, active and interactive sadist to take them on a journey with their adrenaline or other natural body chemicals who can trouble shoot and steer from a rational place when they are not able, remembering their real and fantasy limits.

Many seekers are wishing to lose themselves fully to an experience with full trust, to feel primal instincts or be “granted permission” to explore with enthusiasm and without shame.  Some men visit for full protocol servitude, lessons in consent, or to connect with Goddess Worship. Some human floors come to me to set up a comfortable place to be present in their “true form”. A great number of folks seek me out to gain experience navigating “controlled” chaos and pain to use for personal growth or motivation, and of course some folks are simply seeking a fisting experience from someone with small, dexterous hands or a vigorous face fucking with a strap-on.

I don’t believe all subs can participate in Findom for heaps of reasons. Findom for me is giving for the sake of giving, without expectations of grand attention. The finsubs that I have now have various budgets and tasks to enrich my life and we’ve negotiated short term contracts to suit individual boundaries. I enjoy “wallet draining” fantasies as well as regular gifts and giving out small “sidequests” to finslave penpals to track down, it all works out very well.  That being said, tribute for time is how I operate professionally for those who want to set up live playtime (online or otherwise).

sbs: Do you prefer to break and enslave men who might resist, or use well-trained ones that are already broken in?

CZA: I can only attempt to “break in” those who really want to submit.  I don’t get anything out of pulling an unwilling being into My realm, it’s a waste of my time and energy that could be better spent on others.  They who want to advocate for their own awesome life experience step up and seek it out. I only “drag” people toward their fantasies in scenes, it’s great to “give permission” and “force” worship in play but coercion is not sexy to me.  I play enthusiastically in every green-lit direction of shared interests and do not find boundaries limiting: I have a wealth of experience to draw from from my last 15+ years of shenanigans.

I wouldn’t ever assume that someone with kinky or BDSM experience would somehow know my interests, and guessing is not an option. Every power exchange is different: I value the past experience of subs and slaves who kneel for me and still teach and instruct for my specific preferences. I value subs/ slaves who research at home and work on communicating their needs and experience, that goes a long way in negotiating things between consenting adults.

sbs: Beyond financial domination, which is an obvious favourite of many Dommes, do you have other specific fetishes you enjoy exploring with your slaves?

CZA: I’m well-known for my odd themes/costumes and insertions, turning slaves into human furniture or characters, sensory deprivation and sensory overload scenes, strong legs/ scissorholds and breathplay, fisting and anal training, strap on play, slut/ sissy/ hentai training, fisting, sounding, hoods/ masks/ body bags/ predicament bondage/ immobilization, Tease & Denial, beatdowns, Foot Domination & Worship, Trampling, Panty/ Sock Sniffing, Smothering, CBT Instruction, Leather-Latex-Zentai-Costumes, Ballbusting, Humiliation, Human turkeys/ Cannibal Fantasies, Twisted Medical Scenes, Corporal Punishment and Spanking, Ignore Fetish, Shopping Trips, Public Outings and soooo much more…

sbs: Can you describe the feeling you have when you have control of a slave, desperately doing whatever it takes to please you? Is it a rush, or just an expected outcome you’ve grown used to?

CZA: There are a few types of control and power exchange that REALLY do it for me:

– My flow state during a BDSM scene: as I weave a sensory story for a submissive/slave I am juggling heaps of things (safety, planning next steps and transitions, checking connections, navigating layers communication/ feedback) and it’s quite a rewarding headspace. The high focus and feed on the energy in the scene feels peaceful, meditative and rewarding. I feel then that I am appearing in my “truest form”: I’m a playful and giddy sadist and puppeteer. 

– When I’m being worshiped by a slave who is able to actively listen and truly wants to serve, who has gratitude and patience for the experience. I have several long-term worshipers that  have the pleasure of being able to spoil me exactly as I like and spend time with me basking in feelings of joy and appreciation. These are the kinds of subs that are given responsibilities within my realm, and some of my favourite submissives have become personal slaves over the years.

– Continued, enthusiastic consent from submissives who communicate needs and boundaries: communication is everything. When that bit of extra effort is put in to check words with multiple meanings and styles of communication the play can go much much deeper.

– When someone sets aside time to give up control and check themselves to improve their everyday communication and not take things for granted, I admire that.  A man submitting to Me to legitimately learn step-by-step navigation of continued, enthusiastic consent with a woman (or any human) in a sexy power exchange is a better man in this world. BDSM is an amazing tool to learn about navigating vulnerability, self-awareness and risk-awareness in all intimacy, and I continue to teach these lessons to those reaching out for wisdom in those areas.

– Watching someone get lost in a fantasy they’ve been working hard to achieve, knowing they are fully present and feel accepted in that moment that I’m facilitating. This can include someone losing control, blissing out, feeling present in their true selves, riding the natural chemicals of their body in a safe space, or challenging past experiences with careful steps to reclaim or hack sexual expression. When a submissive is re-inspired to deeply explore play by a scene with me and dives back into nerding out on self exploration, I feel proud. Many folks find they benefit from continued weekly or monthly check ins with me afterward to push their experiences and ideas even further (those are some of the most fun short/long term slave contracts) and I enjoy keeping in touch with them.

sbs: Have you ever been recognized in public? If so, how does the slave react to seeing his ultimate Goddess in person?

CZA: I have been recognized in public many times. Outside of an event, fetish party or fetish munch I don’t appreciate being approached with sub needs for attention.  I don’t acknowledge subs in public unless we’ve negotiated that interaction and expect the same respect of my time, space and privacy.  A submissive who chooses to attach an emailed gift card to the email saying “I saw you in public” will be differently received than “I saw you” with no tribute and expectations, unless you’re a regular submissive of mine (in which case tell me all about it). 

sbs: For slaves looking to impress you, what is the best way for them to show you they are sincere in their desire to serve and spoil?

CZA: That would depend on how they are hoping to serve, if it’s as a BDSM slave, dehumanized object, a fan appreciating my work from the other side of the globe… direct communication of expectations/ hopes/ experience wishlists is very important to me for any kind of live time interactions.  Respect my time, jump through my screening hoops and be as clear and concise as possible. 

For those who wish to show general appreciation, purchasing my videos, photo prints, worn panties/socks etc are all lovely ways to support me and get a little treat for yourself, or sending tribute or gifts without expectation.  Those who have been the most successful at spoiling me have asked me directly for special small gifts to track down, larger gifts to contribute to, a course or workshop on my wishlist to sponsor, or sent email gift cards of my choosing.  One of my favourite types of regular gifting arrangements combine gifting with side quests (sourcing): monthly parcels mailed to me with 2 – 4 items I have a hankering for, with various budgets. That being said, an emailed Etsy Giftcard is always nice.

sbs: Is there anything else you would like to tell your admiring worshipers reading this interview?

CZA: I’ve been a Pro Dominatrix for over a decade, a session wrestler, kinky explorer and more. I’ve hacked my life to include as much play and sensory exploration as I can, and as part of that offer some of my time as a Professional experience facilitator to share those things with others.  I’ve recently started to make my own videos and expand my online presence since so much of my playtime is and has been private, to catch up with the accessibility (and restrictions) of the internet.

I’m a pansexual hedonist and explorer based in Toronto, Canada who enjoys travel, treats, Femdom and believes that kink/ BDSM is an amazing tool for radical change an self-awareness.  I constantly make time to level up my skills, practice, play, have dabbled in many facets of kink and had numerous valuable and delightfully freaky professional relationships with kinksters (human floors, sissies, puppets, sluts, slaves and more), all over the world.  I love to play and create pockets of kinky weirdness to share with select individuals. My preferred title is “Contessa” but I also enjoy Goddess and Queen.

I offer my time for tribute:
—> In private spaces and live time (video, phone, texting, chat)
—> Playtime, Consulting, Confessional
—> Distance Training and Chastity
—> Slave Contracts ( short or long-term with quarterly or eighthly reviews)
—> Kink Snail mail ( personal items, custom written erotica, slave or sissy packages, slave tasks)
—> Hourly meetings or ongoing training (weekly, extended)
—> Shopping Trips, Findom, Fetish Parties, Secret Kink, Coffee Shop Kink, Kinky Tourism
—> Custom video and audio
—-> Instructionals (CBT, JOI, T&D)

I look forward to meeting new potential submissives and seekers who are inspired by Me and looking to serve! Send your slave applications/ introductions via encrypted email through my website and kinky shenanigans/ and customized “retraining exercises” are just around the corner, muahaha…

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